Lessons Learned from a Wise Lady

Reva Lachica Moore (revawall@bellsouth. net)

An elderly lady with a good sense of humor, Ms. Glenda would have me in stitches each time she calls. She doesn’t tell jokes. She just talks about everyday life. But the way she tells it, makes me laugh, easing off stress and lifting my spirits. Often, I work so hard to the point of exhaustion, but a call from Ms. Glenda makes me stop and take a much-needed break.

Three years ago, I first met Ms. Glenda who is 86 years old when she gave a generous donation to our organization. A petite lady with an unassuming smile, Ms. Glenda is sweet with Christian virtues. She always seems upbeat, caring for others and for her husband of 58 years.

But one day, someone called with tragic news. Ms. Glenda’s husband had a heart attack and died! Stunned and upset, I couldn’t make the call to Ms. Glenda. In solitude, I prayed to God to give comfort to my dear friend.

Yet, in her grief and harried time, Ms. Glenda called to tell me about her big loss. She thought that maybe no one would let me know. In my few words, I tried to console her in her deep sorrow. Though grief-stricken, she seemed to still have a hint of quiet laughter in her voice.

Every few days we’d talk and from her voice I could tell she had been crying. “It will take a long, long time, Ms. Glenda, but things will get better.” I tried to comfort my grieving friend. Each week proved better with great promises of newness and normalcy. Then my husband and I left for the Philippines and I wondered how Ms. Glenda would cope with her sorrow. I continued to pray for her.

After we got back from our trip, I heard from Ms. Glenda right away. I asked her the same questions: “How are you getting along? Are you still crying a lot?” She said she was doing much better, and the times of crying come and go. But from her tone, she seemed a little better. Then her words of wisdom started to pour from her lips.

“Don’t ever take anything for granted,” she said. “Make everyday with your loved one count. Find time to listen, even if you have to listen a hundred times. If he asks and didn’t hear you, answer even if you have to repeat the same words over and over. Never part with a disagreement. Don’t let the sun go down with anger in your heart. Talk things over. Do not hold a grudge and so on and so on.”

And I would listen intently. And then I would ask, “So, did you do all that, Ms. Glenda?”

“Well, if I had only known that he was going to go like that, I would have been more loving and more patient.”

“But I’m sure you were. Don’t be too hard on yourself,” I interrupted.

She continued, “Often I would tell him something and he couldn’t hear and would ask me to repeat and repeat and repeat and I’d ask him, ‘Why don’t you put your hearing aid on?’ (Ms. Glenda chuckles a bit). I have said those words so many times, it seems. On some mornings he’d come back after he leaves for work and I would ask, ‘What did you come back for now?’ And he’d answer, ‘I forgot to give you a kiss, and he’d plant a kiss on my cheeks.’” Ms. Glenda speaks with emotion and chuckles some more, and I’d be laughing, too.

“Don’t feel bad, Ms. Glenda. You were a good wife and I’m sure you had more patience than most of us.”

“And you know, I was so busy on the morning he died. I was warming up food in the kitchen. I went back to the room where he sat. I saw him sitting crooked, and I started to fuss at him. ‘Why are you sitting crooked?’ Then I went back to the kitchen. I didn’t know he was having a heart attack! I should have paid more attention.” Ms. Glenda continued, crying and laughing at the same time. I knew she was not laughing in a bad way, but just comforting herself for her negligence. And I joined her in her laughter. I was very happy that my grieving friend has started to laugh again.

Last night Ms. Glenda called and we had a good hour of laughter once more. When I told her that lately I’ve lost so much sleep due to lots of work and problems, she gave me the best advice.

”Reva, go to sleep. God is awake all the time. There is no point for both of you to be awake trying to solve your problems. He can do it by Himself!”

I took Ms. Glenda’s advice and went to bed early. Then I prayed, “God, Ms. Glenda is right. No need for both of us to stay awake. You solve my problems because I am going to sleep.”

Last night I had the best sleep in a long long time. Thanks for the reminders from a wise lady.